A man returns home early from work and hears groaning noises coming from his wife.
He thinks she must be having a dump and thinks nothing of it.
It is only upon entering the bedroom that he realises that his wife is having sex with his best friend.
His friend looks up and says, "I'm sorry Dave."
"Sorry are you," the enraged husband shouts, "then why don't you stop when I'm speaking to you?"
Dave sees red, grabs his so-called best friend by the short and curlys, drags him downstairs,
along the garden path and into the shed.
He takes his friend's wedding tackle and places it in a vice, tightens the vice and snaps off the handle.
Dave then heads for the kitchen and returns with a large serated knife.
His so-called friend pleads, "Oh my god Dave! You're not going to cut me willy off!"
Dave replies, "No. You are, I'm gonna set fire to the shed."